1. |
Thinking About Infinity
02:26
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I'm the kinda man likes to sit on his porch
With a beer in his hand, and a cig to torch
When the work day's shot, and the stars creep out
There's a big bad thought that I wanna keep out
So I grab my forty, take a little swig
Gonna keep my brain from gettin' too big
So I don't just sit there
Thinkin' bout infinity
I'm the kinda man keeps his talk real small
How ya doin' there m'am?
Good to see ya too, Paul!
What's up? What's new?
How's the weather been, Steve?
How about this view?
We shake hands and leave.
As long as we don't say how we feel
We can keep our talk from gettin' too real
So we don't just sit there
Talkin' bout infinity
Well, the stars are astounding
They are vast and commanding
And the space that's surrounding them
Forever expanding
In contrast I'm layin'
On some crumbs of DiGiorno
A laptop displayin'
Second-rate porno
I'm the kinda man takes the train each day
And I aint gonna lie, time withers away
I hold my breath while the train tracks grind
And thoughts of my death may pass my mind
So I grab my phone, log onto the net
Gonna watch some clips of kittens at the vet
So I don't just sit there
Thinkin' bout infinity
Night by night
I lie alone
The stars surround
My tiny home
Flicker, flicker
Through the night
My TV screen
Is shining bright
I'm the kinda jerk works hard each day
Does a full day's work for a full year's pay
Own a house, own a wife, own a couple o' planes
Measured my life out in capital gains
Gonna count them dollars, every last one
Got a big bank statement blockin' the sun
So I don't just sit there
Countin' to infinity
Oh no...
I'm gonna pass my night time
Counting sheep
And pass my day time
In a sleep
And pass away...
Just dreaming about infinity
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2. |
Song for Old Folks
02:18
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I can't drive my car anymore
'Cause my depth perception is poor
But by night I roam
My retirement home
Just to find some ladies
In their late eighties!
It's time for adventures
So throw out your dentures
And cast away all your blues!
The night is ripe for romancin'
So get up and dance in
Those orthopedic shoes!
You know the stars in the sky
Are floatin' as high
As the trousers upon my waist!
The night is bound to excite us
And soothe my arthritis
Grab me my cane, post haste!
(Post haste!)
Did you get those roses I sent ya?
Oh! That's right! You suffer dementia!
That's OK! No need to lament
The laughter never ends
When you're wearing depends!
What would your think if
I bought you a drink of
Metamucil and gin?
And if senility kicks in
Don't worry, vixen,
We'll live the night again!
Oh gal, I swear when ya whip
That prosthetic hip
I'd think you were Heaven sent!
And as we rock and we roll
I may lose control
Because I'm incontinent...
Would you care to stay for the night, dear?
Oh! That's right! You're deaf in your right ear!
That's OK! I'll turn out the light here
It's getting very late!
It's nearly ten till eight!
We could sleep together sweetly
As I say a prayer discretely
That we both live to the dawn!
(Rub the Vaseline on!)
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3. |
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Look at all these mother-fuckers
Smiling, holding hands
Just a buncha scrotum tuggers
Marchin' round in bands
See them playing
PDA-ing
Ev'ry fuckin-where
Heaven knows
It truly blows
When love is in the air
Oh,
Take a gander at these assholes
Laughing, having fun
Getting hand jobs in sandcastles
Ev'ry goddamn one
Sharing kisses
Christ is pisses
Me off quite a ton
Hopeless assholes
All around me
When will I be one?
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4. |
Frivolous Things
02:20
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Fake plastic roses, and boxes of kittens
Forty inch rims that I bought for a pittance
Check out my smart phone! It farts when it rings!
These are a few of my frivolous things!
Cream-colored mac books, and hot toaster strudels
Certified organic fair-traded noodles
Blog posts about my dog meditating
These are a few of my frivolous things!
Babies in Gucci with chic diaper rashes
Cocaine that falls on my nose and eyelashes
I've got a big rubber Jesus that sings
These are a few of my frivolous things
Fake knockoff rolex I got from a felon
Big plastic packages of pre-sliced melon
T-Shirts with NFL advertising
These are a few of my frivolous things
When my cat dies
And my spouse leaves
And my spirits fall
I simply indulge
In my frivolous things
And then I don't feel at all!
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